Love, From You Both.

Hey there!

Doing good?

Fantastic! Hope you are having great time in your life!

What is love?

To me, love comes in many forms. Love from parents, siblings, partner, colleague, friends, strangers and even other beings.

Let's talk about parental love.

I don't know what kind of parental love you are having but let me share about mine.

Dad works alone as a mechanic. Working alone as a mechanic is not a simple task. Imagine carrying the heavy gear box with just some help of leverage, changing tires, thinking of solution to solve circuit problems and worse of all, if he has an accident (touch wood) it would take sometime for us to discover.

He would wake up and prepare breakfast for us. Almost every morning unless I woke up, he would ask me to do instead, which is also a rare occasion.

Just by preparing breakfast, he constantly did it since I was 7 years old. It has been 13 years yet he still preparing breakfast for us.

Before I wake up, breakfast is ready to serve. Even though it is just spread bread, I am always grateful to have my dad. I could say it is rare to see a father preparing breakfast before the sun even rise,

Mom on the other hand, gave up her career to full time taking care of us 3 kids. She could have hold a high salary job but instead she chose this path. She graduated in University Malaya, Malaysia's famous government university and she is a very smart lady.

When I was a teen, I always wondered why she chose this path, why she would sacrifice her career? If she did not chose this path we would have a very porch life and could travel around the world. I could have get whatever I wanted in life.

Sometimes she would say that she should go out to work but no one would want to hire her because of her age. Plus, she is the one who settles dad's company account. She did not take account during her study life. She learn from her friend, borrowed accounting book from her friend and studied it. That's how she picked up her accounting skills.

Dad has moody temper. Maybe because he is stress working alone and customers kept coming. 

Mom, I would say she lectures a lot. She could repeat things again, again and again. She also could not really take my dad's temper vice versa on dad for he lectures. Things are kept repeating though, can't blame her.

Well, nobody is perfect. Same goes to me. I need them. There is still many things in life that I still need their support. As time pass, I could see the wrinkles in them are growing, white hairs sprouting rapidly. Deep down, I am really afraid to lose them, but I am still hurting them everyday. I tried to behave as a child that they would wish for, I just unable to.

I feel that the more we love someone, the more we take advantage on them, the more we hurt them.

Every time my mom lectures me, I would feel annoyed. Either I kept quite or I tried to explain myself which clearly not effective, end up keeping quiet is the best way to stop her lectures. To be honest, her 95% of her lectures are right. It is just that I would not accept it.

She feels that the distance between us so close yet so far. I told her it is the generation gap. It hurts to see her feeling down. Her cries breaks me apart. Despite all these hurting that I cause to her, she never said that " I am regret to give birth to you."

Me on the other hand, always ask myself, why am I given birth into this family? I told myself I don't feel love. The truth is I do feel their love. They are emitting love in their way, not the way I wanted to receive, that's why some part of me refuse to accept their love.

My dad love us but never told us. He show us in a different way instead. I do remember when I was kid, they would beat me up if I did something that is not right, but at night, my dad would come to me, applying the Chinese medicine on the bruises. He would say sorry to me too for hitting me too hard.

Dad never want to cry in front of us. He kept his suffering to himself. I caught him crying once, he tried to hide his face and ask me go to sleep.

Mom always told me " You used to hug me every night and wish me good night, nowadays you didn't." Every time she says that, I would do what she wanted, then did not practice it. Mom would tell me that she love me, to enjoy my day, to drive safe, to come home have dinner, and many more.

Dad don't really says much. I don't recall when was the last "I love you" from dad. I also don't recall when was the last time I said that to my dad. "Wai, drive carefully." is already at his limit, but it was heart warming enough.

I would want to say "I love you dad" but somehow, I just can't. I don't even know why I could not do it.

What kind of experience that you had with your parents?

Are you grateful to have them in your life?

Do they have you backed up when you are in trouble?

Do you feel their love?

Do share with me!

Enjoy this moments with them! Happy, Sad, Anger are the emotions that bring us closer as a family.

Cheers,
Synonym96